Things shouldn't be an effort when you start dating. But that's how things have been going for me and Y.
Following on from our first date and subsequent interactions, we've had some miscommunications again. The short story is that I think we've both been messed around, however we've reacted to this differently. Whilst I am, or am trying to be laid back about dating, it seems she needs more up front signs and attention. So on Monday we kind of decided to not bother with it anymore.
However I'd rather things play out than for petty protocol issues to get in the way, so we've arranged to meet for a drink tomorrow night.
But this does raise the issue in my head of 'nice girls', and I fear Y could be one.
I would describe a 'nice girl' in this case as someone who enters into dating looking for a boyfriend. She is not going to sleep with anyone till at least three dates have been had, she's going to be old fashioned about things and expect to be woo'd and treated in such a way from the get go too. It's not about laid back fun to them, it's an assignment.
On this point, I've never understood those people who are serial monogamists: they go from one relationship to another. Surely you can't find that many people compatible?? You meet someone, then within weeks you're going out for 3 months. Then it happens again. And Again. I mean maybe these people are the luckiest people in the world meeting soulmate after soulmate, but I doubt it. I think they're settling. Settling for what's ok; it's easy, it's fine, it's companionship and safety.
I don't want that. I want butterflies in my stomach, the world to seem a different place with them in it; I want fucking fireworks in my head. And I'll love that person better than anyone else in the world can.
Ok these are kind of two separate points, and I'm not actually saying Y is exactly either of these, but I worry that she's not on the same page as me.
I have no problem with the protocol of abstinence and what I've mentioned above, but only if there's that chemistry there. I've come out of a relationship that had a less than ideal ending and my motivations are not necessarily congruous with a nice girl's outlook. I'm here to have fun, pure and simple - I'm not in a place where I'm going to accept hassle. I'd love to meet the love of my life, to settle down tomorrow. But until that happens I'm not going to waste my time or anyone else's - let's just hang out and have imperfect fun together!
I've always been honest and up front with everyone I've been with. There was a girl who I went on about 5 dates with, only on the last did she come back to mine where we messed around a little but didn't have sex. She was pretty, fun, sweet and I wasn't jaded. We'd talk, get drunk, kiss and that was it. But I could tell in general and from things she said that she wanted more, and if we had sex it would be a bigger deal than normal - and I wasn't in that place. As much as I really wanted to fuck her, I wasn't going to take that trust/opportunity and be a dick with it. So it petered out by my hand, in a nice way, and we're still in contact.
Dating, sex, fuck buddies, friendships; I think we can negotiate all of these things by being respectful communicative adults. Be up front and honest with people and whilst it may be harder initially at times, in the long run everyone comes out happier and into a dynamic that is honestly arrived at.
Ok I'm not really sure what any of this is now getting at, there's no nugget of perceived unifying truth I'm building to here.
I should probably care less about the girls I date, be more of a selfish fuck, but I don't like anyone to be mistreated. Not unless they're into it of course, and then I'm happy to mistreat the hell out of them.
I have no idea of what I'll be telling you after my date tomorrow. I just hope whatever it is, it's entertaining.
Thanks for reading whoever you are, I appreciate your interest x
First off, let me say yours is the first blog I've ever read. A friend recommended it to me and it sounded interesting.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, at the risk of sounding like a dork with no life, I've enjoyed living vicariously through your writings. I've found myself jealous at your obvious magnetism, surprised by your witty observations and openness, and extremely turned on. So much so, I might be tempted to try this online dating you speak of.
And finally, your love of brunettes is obvious and far be it for me to suggest something to a stranger, as well as a man probably set in his ways and tastes, but maybe throw a redhead into your oeuvre (or as you call them over here 'gingers') they can be a good time.
Oh, and ever fix that couch.
A
An online literary deflowering eh? Well I'm proud to have been given that landmark opportunity and to have not let you down!
ReplyDeleteOnline dating - it can be a hassle and you may meet some undesirables, however I think you'll have fun if you go into it with the right intentions or expectations. Good luck...
Now with regard to hair preferences, I do have a penchent for dark hair but that's not to say I'm ONLY attracted to them. In fact as it happens I met up with a beautiful red head earlier in the year and you're right, she was a good time.
If your hair is of a similar hue and you're similarly fun, then the gents you meet on whatever website you sign up to will no doubt agree ;)
Thanks for reading and for commenting A x
ps No I still haven't fixed my couch, though I did kind of have a go at it yesterday.
ReplyDeletepps Are you by any chance American?
Ah yes, life is complete. I can now claim to have been deflowered via blog. That wouldn’t be the first literary work to make me feel less than virginal (hand written love letters are still effective, and I've been picked up at a bar with a quoted Japanese death poem) but a first online achievement.
ReplyDeleteI meant to request that you DON’T ever fix that couch just because of the giggles and story that you can relive; or at least take a picture as a reminder.
I’m that obvious huh? Yes, I'm American, but don't hold it against me. I'm also a redhead, so I surely offend on both accounts those who don’t like either, but what can ya do.
In reference to your post about mix tapes, still love them, make them for friends and lovers, and it's an art form.
"The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don't wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules."
:)
A
Hmmm...I know that - Hi fidelity?
ReplyDeleteCusack...the affair has been going on since Better Off Dead.
ReplyDelete