To you (you know who you are)

"What a difference a day makes." "Time is the greatest healer." "Water under the bridge."

The human capacity to heal and adapt to circumstances is an impressive evolutionary trait that has put us in place at the top of the food chain. For now at least.

At the start of the year I was miserable. I'd just got back from three weeks in S. America which was long enough to allow me to really start thinking and living as a person again, to tune out of the repetitious rat race and inconsequential matters that we needlessly preoccupy ourselves with. Meeting inspiring people, seeing different ways of life, taking in breathtaking scenery and as I was traveling by myself, I could go, do, see and stay wherever I wanted.

Then I came back to a cold, wet, desk bound grey London; added to which I was shackled to an oppressively broken heart. It fucking blew.

Fast forward three months and I'm just about back to being me again. K takes up less and less of my thoughts, and though I'm still affected by her, it's not something that fucks me up like before. I just hope my capacity to trust, to let my defences down and to let my heart out of my hands again isn't overly affected.

I'm very grateful to all of you who have taken an interest in this little document of one unremarkable man's life.

Those of you who read alone, those of you who have shared it with another, those of you who have contacted me either in the comments or via email, I really appreciate and for want of a better word, 'value' whatever connection my words have fostered between our minds, minds that will in all likelihood never meet in the real world. Even those who don't like what I maybe stand for in my lifestyle choices, I respect your right to your own viewpoint - I just hope to never be misinterpreted in the unedited actions I describe.

I feel a little uninspired at the moment though, from a dating point of view and possibly as a result a writing one too. I've not really been making any effort to date anyone.

Right now there's no one on the scene who excites me, there's no one I'm speaking to who I have banter flowing back and forth with. I miss having that connection with someone, I miss having someone to give my attention to. I passed not being able to enjoy sex with another person without feeling a little hollow a while ago since my first date of the year, but the pursuit of sex for the hell of it doesn't excite me as much as it once did. I've turned down/postponed repeat sex with people I'd never have done before. For want of a better description, maybe I'm.....'growing up'? Or maybe in reality it's just that my standards and expectations have risen and I want for more.

This is not to say that these are still not 'important' to me, or that the requited attention in the chase of pursuing and charming a girl who is seemingly way out of my league isn't something that lifts my day either. But I'd like to meet someone who is mentally compatible as well as sexually again. I miss sharing myself with someone.

I think I may sign up to a dating site again, if nothing else it'll give you guys something to read...

Kisses/manly slaps on the back (delete as appropriate) to you xx