Ze German

Let's rewind to 2007...

In the space of a few months I went from being on the verge of spending over half a million on a beautiful Edwardian house, to moving into a council house room I found on gumtree.

This was because I chose to break up with my girlfriend of ten years.

In short I guess we met too young, I wasn't ready to settle down. I hadn't lived. I hadn't lived selfishly without the safety net of the love we had. I was working too much, playing music too much, playing sport too much, going out too much; basically she was no longer my priority and I didn't like who that was making us. Sex had gone out the window. We both deserved more.

So I moved out and took the flat because it was dirt cheap, close to work, and not the sofa of any of my friends. I lived there for about two months I think. Three bedrooms, 5 or 6 flatmates in that time. Foreigners and reclusive types, we were polite strangers whenever our paths crossed, which with my social life at the time was rare. My small shitty room was just a place to lay my head.

From here I moved into the top floor of a building in Shoreditch. I had a king size mattress on the floor, my guitars, an expensive music system, and beyond basic furniture, that was it. I was paying about £350 a month to live in amongst it all, access to a roof, parties, music and good friends with me too. I was there for about 8 months and my possessions didn't increase, I was not building a life here. My old life was in the flat I still own with my ex. My books, my photographs, art and trinkets picked up from travels, records and 'stuff' would sit looking on; watching my ex as she cried, as she healed, as she no took random men back to fuck on the bed I bought, they sat like mute sentinels there bearing witness to the development of the new love she has now happily found.

My new place was a backdrop for experience and hedonism, it was not a home as such. Everyone would end up back at mine. From the weekly occasions of camaraderie between close friends late into the next day, the times with party buddies, those I'd see only at night, brought together by our mutual friends, to the nights where I couldn't tell you 50% of the rooms first names but all of whom I'd by the end of the night have shared lines, stories and if I was lucky affections. Music would be played all hours at a volume which if I had neighbours would cause constant complaints, things were broken, beer sprayed everywhere, new couplings loudly consummated in the toilet meaning the rest of us would have to go to use the pub that was downstairs for relief.

I'd wake some mornings, the daylight slowly seeping into my brain along with the bleak realisation that it was only Thursday morning and I had two days of work still to go. Broken glass and cigarettes littering the floor, empty wraps of cocaine scattered around like confetti - my room like the set of Skins, only my parents weren't there to clean up after me. I knew I'd move out, as well as on, from this period - but during this time surrounded by good friends, associates, glamorous strangers and characters you'd not believe if I described them here, I had some of the best times of my life.

Heidi worked in a bar nearby which we used to go to all the time. We owned it. As well as this, she was a part time model. A statuesque 6'2", long sandy gold hair, C cup breasts and a body that I've not encountered since. Everything about her figure was beautiful, not just 'hot' but aesthetically the way you'd describe the archetype of a non-anorexic model, slim toned limbs and a grace of movement that was hypnotic. She had green eyes, naturally tanned flawless skin with a dusting of freckles on her nose. Initially I remember not warming to her, unfairly imagining she was arrogant, that she came across as haughty or something. But this was entirely my issue, Heidi was lovely. I suppose I misread the reactions of a person trying to shrink away from just being regarded as a tall beautiful woman.

We were often in the same places, and she was good friends with my flatmate who also worked in a bar. One night Heidi was staying in my flatmates room whilst she was away. A bunch of us were hanging out, drinking into the small hours and then come the end of the night it was just me, Heidi and my flatmates brother who was in town. I thought there was something going on between them maybe, so I said goodnight and returned to my room.

5 minutes later I got a text from Heidi saying "Hi". I replied "Hi yourself". She sent another "What you doing?" So I sent "Waiting for you to bring some booze here?"

I just thought she was still wired, so we should have a drink or something. She came into my room with a bottle of whisky and two glasses and we sat up, lying on my bed drinking and talking. At no stage did I think anything was on the cards. When we were lying there, laughing, close, looking into each others eyes and I still wasn't making any moves - partly because I was really drunk by now so oblivious to any signs, but mainly because here was this really beautiful girl and I'd fancied her for ages. I'd never contemplated the fact that she'd ever be interested in me. So when she moved forwards and kissed me I literally couldn't believe what was going on. I remember kissing her back with my eyes wide open, probably with a look of confusion on my face as I came to terms with what was somehow happening.

After being in a relationship for ten years, you don't have a gauge for how attractive you are because you're not having it objectively impressed on you by the sort of girls you're able to attract. By the end of my relationship my ex and I weren't having sex, I was keen, but she was not. We got into a vicious cycle where she felt pressure to have sex which killed the moment, and I got more and more frustrated. We'd go to bed and it would be the elephant in the room. Both of us thinking about it, but saying nothing. I felt rejected, frustrated, emasculated and not attractive. In this time I didn't cheat on her but it was a big factor to us splitting up, I couldn't carry on like this. I didn't want to be a guy who was having an affair behind her back, I didn't want to do that to her or to me.

As a newly single man with no real reference point I would take whatever I could to begin with, flattered by any female attention. So when me and Heidi arranged to go for a drink, I was still scratching my head about what the hell was going on. We met in Dalston for a drink, and it was a little awkward. Though we got on, it took us a few drinks to warm up. Which turned out to be the case most times we met up. So things weren't developing so much on that front, we weren't soul mates - but still we kept arranging drinks. Why?

Because we loved fucking each other. Heidi was my first fuck buddy, and man did I have a smile on my face about it. The first time we fucked was back at hers. We were drunk, and now totally relaxed and into the flow of getting on. As I chopped up a few lines on the kitchen surface of her studio, I teased her about modelling. I asked her if she had any pictures or anything, and after nagging her she reticently pulled out a copy of Glamour, opened it and handed it to me.....and there she was: just her, no one else in the shot, and it was a Paul Smith ad. My pupils dilated, my heart started to race and my mouth went dry. The line I had cut lay untouched, it's work was being done by another stimulant it seemed: I was going to have sex with a legit model! ME!! Hahaha....

I rolled up a twenty pound note, snorted half a line into my left nostril, then half a line into my right, the cocaine latching on with a pleasing chemical bite into my sinuses. I offered the rolled up note to Heidi who bent over and took the line in one nostril, thanked me and putting her arms round my shoulders kissed me. To this day she has been one of the best kissers I've had the pleasure of (K and Blondie are ahead of her), her lips come alive when she kissed, their size belying how soft and full they felt.

We melted into each other, kissing deeper with our hands pulling each other into ourselves. I led her by her hand to the bed and pulled her down next to me kissing her, my hand in her hair, stroking her face as hers made it's way down over my chest, lifting up my t shirt and softly stroking my stomach and the muscles that form a line into the waistband of my underwear. My hand is stroking down from her neck and coming to a rest on her tits, her hand now cupping me over my jeans. Our kissing has become more physical, more animal as the lust rises in us both. I break away and rip my t shirt over my head and we both tear each others clothes off. She's wearing simple black underwear and she is uncomplicatedly beautiful, wearing little make up other than smokey eye shadow and liner.

I get on top of her in between her legs and kiss her slowly again now. As I do I press myself onto her, resting my weight on her clit through the underside of my cock. I reach round to undo her bra but find no clasp. She laughs and pushes me off and then straddles me.

"Here, let me show you"

She unfastened the clasp at the front of her bra (ahhhh...) and smiling at me reveals her perfect breasts, topped with unexpectedly dark nipples, each the size of a 50p piece. Like a knee jerk reflex I sit upright in response, kissing her, down her neck and then take each nipple softly in my mouth as though it were a rare delicacy to be savoured (which to be fair, they were). She grinds herself on my dick and she groans as my hands knead her breasts. She pushes me back (she was always an active participant, I liked it) and kissed me, holding my hands and pinning them to the bed. She kissed her way down my chest, sucking and flicking her tongue over my nipples, kissed further down and then was knelt upright between my open legs. Her hands began to stroke my cock through my underwear, massaging my balls and raking her nails up and down my shaft making me squirm before pulling my shorts down. She smiled at me with her eyes, a wry knowing smile crept onto her beautiful face as she gripped my cock and dipped her head, engulfing me in her soft warm mouth. Heidi wasn't the best head I've had, but she was good. And what was good about it was that she took her time, she made it really sexy, slowly sliding my cock all the way into her mouth then pulling back and flicking her tongue round the head slowly so I could feel everything. There's a time and a place for fast frenetic head, but to begin with I love the theatrics and control of it when it's so slow and attentive. She holds my eyes as she licks up and down my shaft before starting to lick my balls and wanking me, settling into a steady rhythm.

I was in fucking heaven. And my moans were letting her know it. I could have laid there for hours (actually no, not hours - as much as I don't cum easily, being so well handled by a fucking hot girl would be testing me somewhat), but the gentleman and avid lover of pussy in me meant that it was her turn to lie back. So I pulled her up and told her to lie back. My hand went straight in between her legs, I could feel how wet she was through her panties. I kissed her neck softly as I lightly stroked up and down her pussy with my fingers. I kissed her ear and quietly told her how beautiful I thought she was, how hard she made me, how I was going to take my time going down on her, but that all the time I was I'd be thinking about sinking my hard cock into her for the first time.

A little bit forward for the first time I know, but we'd known each other for a while and I was really turned on. In any case Heidi kind of gasped a little and turned to kiss me really hard so I guess she was into it.

I kissed my way down her long torso, over her taut stomach and trailed my tongue from her navel directly down over her pubic bone to finish licking the fine mesh of her panties covering her. Ordinarily I'd maybe spend more time, but I have to admit I couldn't stop myself from gripping the waistband of her knickers with my teeth (I was still a little wet behind the ears and the teeth thing seemed like a 'sexy' thing at the time) and hooking my fingers under the sides to pull them down and over her long legs. She was recently waxed into just a slim strip of pubic hair, her pussy lips were swollen and glistening from her need in the soft low light. With a flat broad tongue I slowly licked her up and down, loving the wet feeling of her on my tongue. I reached my hands under and over her thighs and with my fingers pulling the skin round her pubic hair exposed her swollen little clit. With the wet pointed tip of my tongue I gently circled it, kissing and sucking her clit into my mouth and licking it firmly, Heidi raised her hips in time with me. Grinding her pussy into my face, my tongue sunk as far as I could inside her whilst two fingers reached over and rubbed her clit. She was moaning now with her eyes closed, heavy breathing and her hands pulling my head into her. I went back to concentrating on her clit and slid my middle finger inside her, she felt really smooth as I slowly fucked her with my finger.

"Put your cock in me. Please, I need you to fuck me"

My thoughts exactly. I got up and bent down to get a condom out of my wallet, I stood up and turned around to see her on all fours, rubbing her clit between her legs, looking back at me smiling dirtily. Looking down to my cock she said,

"I want you to fuck me from behind"

As I tore at the condom packet, my pulse raced making my cock throb and bob up and down. Her eyes were fixed on me, still playing with herself as I pulled the condom on. Getting up on the bed behind her I told her to reach round and spread herself for me which she didn't hesitate in doing. I guided just the tip of my cock into her, then holding her slim hips I slid myself slowly all the way into her making her involuntarily exclaim. Pulling all the way back out I thrust my hips forward hard and with a slap entered her fully again. I started to fuck. Slowly building up in speed I began really pounding her. This was an unceremonious first time and it was what we both wanted, we both just wanted my cock fucking her.

My hands reached forwards to grab her swinging tits as I continued fucking her hard. As my balls slapped against her I could feel that she was rubbing her clit, her face flat on one side against the bed, moaning and breathing hard, mumbling my name as I pounded her relentlessly, a sheen of sweat building on me from the exertions.

That night it continued in this way, me flipping her over onto her back pushing her legs up to her chest and fucking her really deeply, her riding me with a loud slapping as our thrusts met in time, her clit being hammered each time pushing her closer to orgasm. I remember how beautiful she looked riding me, her messed up hair tumbling over her shoulders onto her pert breasts, her fringe obscuring her eyes, her mouth parted with flushed lips as she panted and moaned as she rode me.

We stayed up till about 4 in the morning doing bumps, drinking, smoking and fucking all night. We fell asleep, a sweaty exhausted mess, me spooning her and stroking her hair as her breathing slowed. I kissed her back as my hand softly stroked affectionately all over her body till she fell asleep. I've always been affectionate, I'm not someone who will roll over and leave a girl to lie awake in the wet patch to listen to my snores, minutes after I've cum, I like to cuddle. As gay as that sounds.

We continued with this arrangement, meeting up whenever the mood took us for getting on for a year. I've not seen her for quite a while now, we arranged to catch up before Xmas but one thing or other got in the way and we cancelled.

Hmmm - I think I should maybe text her hello.